It is 8:00AM as I write this blog post. My grandparents just left with my parents to go down to LA. Minutes later, I started crying and I couldn't stop for at least 20 minutes. Why? Well, it's been a long time since I've had someone to talk to all the time and someone to do stuff with me (my grandma). My mom is always at home with me, but we are not close and she always lounges out in our office. Is it weird? To cry like that? I think I had a mental breakdown... and its been awhile. I haven't really cried in a long time. Whenever I do it, I feel like a spoiled child.
Another reason is because my mom is having a surgery at USC for her collapsed artery in her neck. One is already 100% closed, but the one on the other side we can still save. She has had several strokes before, but I'm happy she is still with me today. It is very serious they say, to drink lots of water and such, but she never did. If they can't save this artery, she can possibly "leave us". This is kinda personal, but this is my diary after all. I'm praying the surgery will be successful!
Now I'm feeling lonely and depressed; I know after this I will be alone again. Hahah I feel tears forming.. whenever I just think about the word "alone". I'm not truly alone, it just feels that way. All my siblings are older and out of the house down in Southern California. My dad has to work all day; on the days he doesn't work, he doesn't get paid. So the ones close to me I don't see often. But, at least I get to say goodnight to him each day. I don't hang out with my friends because I'm homeschooled. If you didn't know.. I don't have many people my age at my church and I don't really have any "friend friends" at my dance. My only comfort right now is singing, piano, and my blog!
Even though I may not have any followers or maybe not even have any viewers, I'm grateful for being able to just put my feelings out there. This is the first time I've put up a negative post up huh? I try not to, but you know I just need someone to talk to. It may sound weird, and there may be no one to write back. It's kinda dangerous lol. ^_^
This is just a short post that I decided to write on a spur of the moment. No editing done. Thank you for whoever created Blogger! Hope you have a wonderful worry-free day! I think I've calmed down a bit now lol.. the feelings are true though! Remember that!
Much Love, Anz xx